So many things have been going on it has been tough to wrap my brain around them concisely and put them down on paper.
We called around to several Philadelphia area hospitals to see if they had an international program, and if they were taking on new cases. I had two get in touch with me, and we opted to go with Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I spent a day or two filling out paperwork and getting all of our paperwork to them, and before we knew it, I had an email in my inbox from the doctor who would oversee our case. There are several (about 10) doctors at CHOP that take on cases from China. The Doctors have their own area of specialty, and then a country specialty. They are assigned cases based on their country, not the child's diagnosis. This main doctor would then coordinate our care with all the necessary departments at CHOP.
We set up our first phone consultation for Friday Morning (this last Friday.) Since it was only Wednesday, we had some down time. Jonathan was traveling, and it just gave me some good time to think/pray about the circumstance, and look forward to the appointment in a positive way, not a stressful overwhelming way. I had the wonderful privilege of talking with a friend who had encouraged me so much with amazing stories of adoption and the beautiful journey the Lord had given through it. I have heard many stories of beauty, grace, sanctification through adoption. I think these rung out a little clearer b/c they were special needs adoptions. The Mother knew enough medical information to know that the circumstance didn't look good on paper. She knew enough to know it was going to be ridiculously hard and more than she felt equipped to do, but the Lord gave her a "WORD," a real word to wait for in the appointment with the doctor, and the doctor said this word, this word that would never align with the practical circumstance of this amazingly challenging case. The Doctor described this child as "such a JOY." When she heard the word Joy, she just knew.
It was getting late on Thursday night, and my wheels were spinning with excitement about our appointment the next morning. At midnight I decided I was going to check my email one last time before bed. I found a lovely email from this same friend encouraging me to pray for a "WORD" from the Lord. I was challenged, and slightly nervous to do it. I wanted to have that amazing confirmation, but i was also so nervous that I wouldn't get one, and would just be holding onto every "word" that was said throughout the meeting. Feeling weak in faith and partially already "defeated" by my lack of faith, I prayed. I cried out to the Lord begging for a "WORD." I don't know how long I prayed for, but my last recollection of the time was 1am.
I awoke the next morning, and I had no 'WORD" in my head. I was kind of disappointed. I didn't get a chance to see Jonathan or talk to him from the time I got that midnight email until we were on the phone conference together. I went into work to await the phone call...and eventually my phone rang...and it was go time with the doctor.
The first thing she wanted to know was why we were pursuing a child that had xyz special needs... We got to tell her a little bit of the amazing journey we have been on with David and the rabbit hole that has happened and how we just felt like we had to keep going and that things had been hidden for a reason...to which she replied "providence has dealt you another gift, I am the head of the department at CHOP that specializes in one of the conditions David has." Miraculous!
As the consultation started, she was kind of all over the place and having a hard time collecting her thoughts. She would try to start at the beginning and just kept jumping to the "end" of the story with him. She acknowledged that she was having a hard time going in order because his file was just so (insert a pause here) UNIQUE. When she said the word UNIQUE it was like bells went off in my head, and she said it in slow motion... My whole disposition changed, and I just felt like Jesus, himself, had shown up at the meeting. I can honestly say, I have never felt such a supernatural speaking to in my whole life.
After she got out UNIQUE, she seemed to settle down, and track back through the file in the right order (meaning talking about everything that was "right", and then progressing to the worst case scenarios for his problem areas.) The meeting overall, went well. She was an answer to prayer. She gave us a lot of information, but she wasn't trying to scare or be overly harping on negative...and she wasn't sugar coating...she was bringing the information in a very easy to assess way without Lording her opinions over us. We knew at the end of the call she was only 1 or 3 specialists that would be viewing it and we would need to wait till this week for the rest...
When she exited the call Jonathan and I had a minute to talk on the line, and I was quickly trying to sum up the whole "WORD" prayer. I then started to share that when I heard UNIQUE, I could hardly get out the whole word before he was affirming he heard the "WORD" too. He had had the same response to the same word... kind of a overwhelming moment for me and my realization of how little my faith was, and how the Lord showed up in a big way to show me he was there, he really heard my pleas...and he was pressing us on the the next appointment.
I have always been the "doubter" or "analytical" one in our marriage and in most of my relationships. I tend to disregard feelings if I can explain an opposite view point with some practical wisdom. My so call "wisdom" gets in the way of being lead by the spirit so many times I cannot even begin to explain. I fortunately married a "feeler." Quite frankly I walked down the aisle to marry him because I trusted him enough to know his "feeling" was something to trust, in the Lord, and he was for certain about me. :) I knew enough to know, I would never be "sure." Ultimately I was keanly aware of the fact that I would, If given enough time to rationalize, run away from a "cliff" back to comfort and analytical land. Fortunately or unfortunately ( ;) ) I married a cliff jumper.
Jonathan without hesitation will make jumps with our life and family that I would never ever do. He does them b/c he knows he should. The Lord has used that in amazingly challenging and wonderful ways in our marriage and life. Sometimes the end of the day brings a really harsh landing for us and circumstances that are beyond trying and force us to wait for the Lord to show up and provide a miracle...b/c that is the only way we are eating that month... And you know what, the Lord always does.
The Lord hasn't left our family in a cliff jumping circumstance high and dry in a foreign land searching for water. We maybe have felt from time to time we had been forgotten, but we really never were. We simply just had to discover a new level of discomfort and a new understanding of patience and complete and utter dependence of the provision of the Lord. And my faith needed to grow.
I know that probably seems like a long aside, but it is so necessary for understanding how amazing this UNIQUE word really was for my faith. I felt confident that I heard from the Lord, and I wasn't seeking to analyze everything we heard in the meeting in a practical risk assessment kind of way, but rather in an assurance that we could handle the worst case scenario that we heard. It gave a confidence and excitement for our next meeting with the specialist.
No comments:
Post a Comment