Strange couple weeks I suppose.
The amount of provision, perfection, protection, and syncing of timing has been nothing short of a miraculous poetic symphony that demands all who can hear stop and give their full attentive listening ear. The Lord has done some amazing work in the craziest of circumstances over the past month. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by that. I know in my head that the Lord becomes touchabley and audiably present when he brings us through trials of all kinds. He does promise they are a testing of our faith, and that ultimately for those who love and a bid in him, the trials will make us stronger and reveal a truer understanding of He who created us.
I don't know that I am stronger, in fact I have a keener awareness of the weakness of my flesh, but I am more in awe of who our marvelous creator is today than I was yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. Jesus is the Maker of the Heavens, The Bright Morning Star, The Breath of all Creation, The One who calms the seas, the One from whom all Miracles and Wonders stem, and the One who heals the broken, and ultimately is our Redeemer and our Savior, and He, whom is all of those things, cares intimately about the details of my life. And that, that reality is so far beyond my comprehension, and my brain is still trying to wrap my head around the amazing orchestration of life these past few weeks.
We had this crazy housing situation. We were ready to start packing boxes. We had talked with mortgage brokers, real estate agents, landlords, and had basically gotten no where. They all had their solutions to our problem of needing to move "today." Each solution was crazier than the next. We drove from house to house with our realtor just praying there would be provisions for us that met our needs and had some of our wants too.
But with each house we saw our hearts sunk a little further. We would return the car, look at the next listing in our pack, viewing the photos, "stats," location, and say a little prayer that this one was going to be it. But no such luck. While Jonathan was away, there was one house that I saw with Noah that was great. It did meet almost all of our needs, but it was a lot further from the school than we desired. The move there was tempting as it would save us $300 a month, but we were both really hesitant about the commute killing us. So, we were faced with our last day of house hunting for a rental property and it was, to say the least, amusing.
Jonathan had been out of town and was returning home for us to have one more fun filled morning of seeing 10 rental properties, our poor Realtor was about ready to pop with her baby, and wasn't going to be able to make the final horah with us. So, we embraced our new Realtor and our final outing.
Arriving at the first home there was some disappointment. The photos showed a decently maintained backyard with a play set, and the reality was kind of reminiscent of a jungle. Now we aren't renting virgins. We had come to expect that photos lie, in fact, they lie more times than not, but this one was particularly surprising. We blew it off, and looked forward to seeing the inside, after all, we are going to have 3 boys, they don't need to play outside...boys aren't rowdy, they don't need space to play...
The house itself, was lovely, just lovely, it really did meet our needs. It had gorgeous floors, a "new" kitchen, a mudroom, was close to the school, and 2 bathrooms (my dream come true. There seems to be a constant problem in this house that anytime I attempt to take a bath, I fill the tub, graciously settle into the steaming hot water, and a little tap tap tap at the door takes place. Guess what? One of my lovely boys needs to go poop. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I have long dreamed over the last 4 years of 1 bathing experience that didn't smell of steamy poop after the first 2 minutes. Sorry if that was too much information and digression)
The inside of the house was selling us on accepting the outside...
Upon exiting the house again, we decided to view the back yard a little more closely. After all, we were responsible for taming the beast of a jungle, and it seemed like kind of a crazy task.... and then we spotted it... beautiful, glistening, shinny, red poison oak, and ivy, growing all over everything in the back yard. No joke, the horribly demonish itchy stuff was growing up the trees and covering the entire back perimeter of the yard and it was coming in an unwanted 2 for the price of 1 deal. Jonathan practically ran to the car, and I contemplated whether or not to drive immediately home and bath myself in ivory soap..and dispose of all the clothing we were wearing. We have had our fair share of unpleasant encounters with the itchy demon vine in the past, and in less than desirable places...let's just say you don't want to sit on any type of ivy, EVER!
Part of me wanted to cry and part of me want to laugh. This was the first house we had seen so far that would actually meet the space needs of our growing family that was close to the school, but it would come at an extremely high itchy cost. Which was a cost far to high..
We pressed on to the next house.
And we pressed and we pressed, drove and drove, turned around, turned around again, drove up and down the same street multiple times, and then the Realtor admitted she couldn't find the house. No truer words had ever been spoken out of any realtor EVER! So, I feel pretty confident this means the rest of the day is doomed. And it basically was. It was one mess after another. We returned home partially laughing at the mess, and partially crying.
Mostly I was just confused. I wasn't sure how to interpret the circumstance. Was this the Lord slowing the whole adoption process down? Was this the Lord asking us to make yet another leap into a really practically crazy living space to grow and change us in more ways? Were we hoping in things of this world to meet our needs and not the Lord?
Disappointed we waited. Jonathan got poison ivy all over his hands... and there still wasn't a solution other than cortisone for the itch. Several days passed, we didn't continue to look at houses. We did nothing other than pray that their would be a fitting solution to our housing needs and watch Jonathan scratch at the fruit from our endeavors. We waited some more, and then the Lord parted the seas, but this time it was the sea of my soul.
Jonathan had the chance to talk to a banker who deals with foreclosures in NJ. This banker was connected to us through Jonathan's accountant. The account who happens to be a believer, who has adopted multiple kiddos from China, and whose office (which we didn't know him at the time) we sat in 3 years ago when we attended our first adoption meeting. Lots of Jesus going on in that sentence, did you catch it all. :)
The banker informed us that foreclosures in NJ take a minimum of 18 months.
Jonathan also happened to finally get a call back from Al, our landlord, who hadn't been communicating with us for several weeks. Al told us that his son was the one with the unknown lien on the property that was preventing it from closing, and that him and his wife were going to need to take their son to court in order to remove the lien, as his son won't return his calls or answer his questions. Jonathan and I were both heart broken for Al. The brokenness of their relationship hit me in a way I didn't anticipate. Sure we were stressed about finding someplace to live, but he was stressed with the complete brokenness of his relationship with his own child.
Our stress was over tangible things, things that will burn up. Our stress, while seeming justified, really wasn't. Sure it is taxing to move, but it is just a move. We would box up and unpack and all would be well. In the scheme of things that are important, where we will sleep ranks much lower than a broken relationship. They cannot box up broken hearts and unpack whole ones. They are the suffers here, not us. Sin hurts far more than sweating.
I felt really rocked. I was wrong. I was concerned with things that didn't matter, things that will pass away, things that aren't eternal. I was concerned with finding a solution, and hoping for an improvement in our living circumstance at the end of it. After all, if the Lord was going to have us move, it must be to a better place, right?
Well, the Lord did answer that question. Yes, but not a practical yes, a Jesus Yes. I am moving. The Lord is moving me. He is moving me to a better place in my soul, not a better physical place to dwell.
Through the chaos with Al's family, we found out the bank foreclosure starts all over again, which means we have another 18 months at least, before we have to vacate the property. This means we can stay. I am so much more thankful for the provisions of the Lord. I would always joke we lived in a shoe box. The house regularly felt cramped and crowded with the boys, but I think the lesson for me was that my heart was bitter and crowded with lies of what I thought I needed, or how much better life would be if only we had ______.
The Lord gave us everything we need right here, yes, steamy poop smelling baths and all. And now, now, I am thankful for it. Every last tiny bit of it. It only took driving around and seeing every rental imaginable for me to realize it, and I am so thankful the Lord didn't allow more properties to be available...
As a little icing on the cake. Because Jesus is just extra awesome like that, we get to pay $300 less per month to live here, the same amount the other house that was much much further from the school cost, and we have a flexible lease that will allow us to leave whenever we want, if we want. Why? Because Jesus Rocks, and our Landlord does too :)
And the cherry on top, you ask? Yes, we got one of those too.
All the housing delays caused us delaying our home study meetings. When we finally were ready, we got word that our social worker would be changing, yet again. This would be the 5th social worker we would be dealing with, as our great wall (china agency) had changed our social worker just a week before. I was initially annoyed when I got the email (are you picking up on my pattern, react poorly...and then repent.) The change would necessitate more work in ensuring all of our paperwork made it into the hands of our new social worker, and Choi, whom I had already met was super nice.
We had our first visit with Joan, our new social worker, and she was amazing. Our interview couldn't have been better. She barely grazed on the topics we were anticipating trouble with, as we knew our parenting style didn't jive with all of NJ's requirements for adoptive parents. We spouted plenty of Jesus reasons all through the meeting, and she shook her head as if to say "amen" to all of them. At the end of the most pleasant meeting ever, I asked her where she went to church... She smiled and asked if it was that obvious. Not only is she a Christian, but she is really good friends with one of the daughters of Jonathan's accountant, you know the one who is a believer and adoptive parent..
What a sweet sweet blessing and more answers to prayer. She was a gift we received because of the housing delay that had happened. She, was worth the wait! Joan is amazingly helpful, and not scary at all, in fact I kind of feel like we are "cheating" on our home study. All of the scary stories we had been prepped with couldn't be further from our reality right now. She is an amazing resource to us, and we are so so thankful for the chaos that delayed us long enough to have her. We finalize our home study on Friday and will apply for US immigration approval early next week. And to our friend who was specifically praying that this whole process would get "easier" THANK YOU!!!
So, not all chaos is bad chaos. We are still learning to decipher the difference between Jesus ordained chaos and chaos from our own doing. But I suppose at the end of the day if the Lord graciously reveals the source of the chaos, both can lead to change, and both can be equally and distinctively beautiful.
Blessings to you all this evening.
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